You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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