Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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