vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
