i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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