All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
