remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
