I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
