Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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