non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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