Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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