like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
