I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
