There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
