I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
