Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
