TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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