Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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