Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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