either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
