For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
