I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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