Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
