Duck Duck Cougar?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
