I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
