I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
