I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
