That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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