Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
