Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
