is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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