yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
