oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
