Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You smell like stripper and shame
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
