I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
