we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
