The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
