she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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