another moral hangover. fuck.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
