The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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