i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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