dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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