my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
