I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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