You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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