i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
