With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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