Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
