Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he thought i was a dude.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
