my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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