come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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